Why is it that when I'm feeling low it seems that everyone lines up to point out my faults? Dumb question, I know. Yesterday my son went on and on about a family friend and how great she looks and no offense to me, how skinny she has become. Of course that it doesn't help that she is my chosen successor. When I finally do leave I know she'll be the one to step in and take care of my kids...and my husband. Some days I feel good about knowing that she's here and others...well some days it does hurt knowing that I won't be missed that long.
This topsy turvy world of depression really is too much sometimes. Why is it some days I feel nothing but pain and look forward to the end but others I almost resent knowing that it's coming? After all I'm making the choice to leave, so why do I resent losing out? Today is one of those days. I see Life all around me...and I hate that I'll be missing some of it. the old, "it's not fair, this isn't what was supposed to happen" dilemma. This is why I firmly believe it's better or easier to be completely insane and never know what you're missing. This partial crap is so devestating.
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